Have you ever eaten Spam? I’m sorry if this offends all of you Spam lovers, but I regret that I have eaten a slice of this vile slime-brick of butchering by-product. When we were in high school, my best friend Jenny invited me over to her house for dinner and her mother served fried Spam. I didn’t want to be rude so I ate it. Now, I know there are plenty of people in the world who love Spam. I am not among them.
Jenny’s husband Brian LOVES Spam. So, we regularly buy him Spam singles. Have you ever seen these things? On the Spam singles package, you’ll see the words “Rip and tear your way to Crazy Tasty Town“. Setting aside the flatulent overtones of the Rip and Tear part I wondered where this “Crazy Tasty Town” is and what manner of food consumer must live there? Is this some culinary back-water where Spam is ranked among other high end food products, like saffron or truffles? Our imaginzations have run wild.
Since we first noticed this blurb on the Spam package, Crazy Tasty Town has slowly begun to come to life. Sketches have been done and logos for the various public establishments have been developed. Crazy Tasty Town consists of a number of streets dotted with appropriate businesses. There is Meat Street and Sauce Avenue. And the businesses are quite unique.
The Meatloaf Hut is a restaurant whose walls are completely covered with meatloaf. Every night they scrape all the old meatloaf off the walls and repack them with fresh meatloaf mix. The whole place slow roasts throughout the night and reopens in the morning ready for service. Partons are given a plate and utensils and they just carve their dinner right off the wall next to their table. The waiters walk around with giant ketchup cannons spraying the walls where ketchup is desired. Guess who plays in the lounge every weekend? Yeah, you got it….Marvin Lee Aday!
Roasty’s Ketchup Barn specializes in gourmet ketchup. And there is also the Mustard Hut and Mayo Station, however profits for these independently owned businesses are down since the big box retailer CondimentMart opened. It’s sad but not unlike the fate of many other mom and pop’s in today’s mega mart world. My husband thinks that cream gravy is actually walrus phlegm. He believes that every restaurant that serves cream gravy has a walrus in the kitchen. When gravy is needed, they just feed some flour to the walrus and presto, cream gravy. So, the bar in Crazy Tasty Town is called Gravy’s The Wet Walrus.
What other restaurants or businesses would you want to see lining the streets of Crazy Tasty Town? Would there be a Spamapalooza event every summer?