Crazy Tasty Town

Have you ever eaten Spam?  I’m sorry if this offends all of you Spam lovers, but I regret that I have eaten a slice of this vile slime-brick of butchering by-product.  When we were in high school, my best friend Jenny invited me over to her house for dinner and her mother served fried Spam.  I didn’t want to be rude so I ate it.  Now, I know there are plenty of people in the world who love Spam.  I am not among them.

Jenny’s husband Brian LOVES Spam.  So, we regularly buy him Spam singles.  Have you ever seen these things? On the Spam singles package, you’ll see the words “Rip and tear your way to Crazy Tasty Town“.  Setting aside the flatulent overtones of the Rip and Tear part I wondered where this “Crazy Tasty Town” is and what manner of food consumer must live there?  Is this some culinary back-water where Spam is ranked among other high end food products, like saffron or truffles?  Our imaginzations have run wild. 

Since we first noticed this blurb on the Spam package, Crazy Tasty Town has slowly begun to come to life.  Sketches have been done and logos for the various public establishments have been developed.  Crazy Tasty Town consists of a number of streets dotted with appropriate businesses.  There is Meat Street and Sauce Avenue.  And the businesses are quite unique.

The Meatloaf Hut is a restaurant whose walls are completely covered with meatloaf.  Every night they scrape all the old meatloaf off the walls and repack them with fresh meatloaf mix.  The whole place slow roasts throughout the night and reopens in the morning ready for service. Partons are given a plate and utensils and they just carve their dinner right off the wall next to their table.  The waiters walk around with giant ketchup cannons spraying the walls where ketchup is desired.  Guess who plays in the lounge every weekend?  Yeah, you got it….Marvin Lee Aday

The logo for Gravy's The Wet Walrus

The logo for Gravy's The Wet Walrus

Roasty’s Ketchup Barn specializes in gourmet ketchup.  And there is also the Mustard Hut and Mayo Station, however profits for these independently owned businesses are down since the big box retailer CondimentMart opened.  It’s sad but not unlike the fate of many other mom and pop’s in today’s mega mart world.  My husband thinks that cream gravy is actually walrus phlegm. He believes that every restaurant that serves cream gravy has a walrus in the kitchen. When gravy is needed, they just feed some flour to the walrus and presto, cream gravy. So, the bar in Crazy Tasty Town is called Gravy’s The Wet Walrus.

What other restaurants or businesses would you want to see lining the streets of Crazy Tasty Town?  Would there be a Spamapalooza event every summer?

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About radioabby

I'm a broadcast professional and home cook who loves music, travel and exploring unique, distinctive things, places and ideas. I love to cook, discover new flavors and improvise in the kitchen.
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8 Responses to Crazy Tasty Town

  1. radioabby says:

    Editors note: As Alan said, this post was originally written by me, but it spurred his creative thinking….which is cool. I’ve never been to Spam-o-rama so have never witenssed the act described here as it says I have, although Jenny’s husband prefers to slupr his Spam singles directly from the package, which is as close as I care to come to that spectacle.

  2. JennyB says:

    Food Network did a segment on Spam-o-rama thus elevating this ‘hearts and garbage’ meat in the eyes of foodies everywhere. We used to go to this truely Austin event every year not only to taste the interesting food but also to watch the Spam-Olympics. This included such events as Spam Toss (not of vomitting) and Spam Calling. My sweet hubby entered the calling event and was disqualified for grabbing himself I’m sorry to say. For reasons that are not clear, sadly, there has not been a Spam-o-rama in several years. Maybe we can bring it to Crazy Taste Town now.

  3. Alan says:

    I did in fact take significant editorial liberty with Abby’s fine post. I should have mentioned it somewhere but I didn’t.

  4. kimberlyksmith says:

    What’s wrong with you people? Spam is quite delicious, especially when grilled crispy on the outside. It’s ham, only better!

  5. Milaka says:

    I bet you never thought that you would have any sort of ties to Spamarama, but you do. I was “Spammy Wynette” two years in a row. I sang the theme song: Uncan Your Spam. I still tear up thinking about it. (And I’ll have to find the pictures.) I actually DID taste some of the more inventive recipes – the ones that tried to hide the Spam (no jokes) in the midst of “real” ingredients. And I saw the booths of people (I knew quite a few of them) who just tried to gross everyone out: Quiche Lorrain-a Bobbit (with Spam in the middle shaped like a you-know-what), Ice Cream Spam-wiches, and Boar-e-oes. Yeah.

    Yes, my Mom used to serve up fried Spam when we were kids. And (going to your post on orange) she made a “spiced tea” mixture with Tang and instant tea and she STILL makes lasagna with Velveeta. And THAT, dear Abby, is what is wrong with my dad! 😉

  6. radioabby says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Milaka, I had no idea….velveeta in lasagna, that is a new one on me! And it sure explains a lot! Hope Roland is doing well.

  7. Abby The Twin says:

    Our venerable redneck Brian Boyd loves his bologna and cheese. He likes the cheapest bologna he can find and calls it “slick meat”. And he likes the cheapest orange cheese food singles. I used to have a dog that took pills every day and I could buy this cheap sliced cheese and wrap it around the pills so she would eat them. Therefore, this kind of cheese is called “dog cheese”. Brian Boyd’s favorite lunch is a slick meat and dog cheese sandwich.

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